tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-144102362011-04-21T22:01:40.577-07:00Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07930898304606958568noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14410236.post-1121195520301916422005-07-12T15:11:00.000-07:002005-07-12T12:12:00.306-07:00<strong><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Can I trust you to listen when I talk? Really listen? Listen well enough so that I feel you are understanding what I'm saying to you, instead of just nodding like you're listening to me but you're really tuned in to the tv. I know it happens because I'm guilty of the same behavior. How else do you think I know so much about it? But if I tell you that this is so very important to me. I need your understanding and support to get thru this frantic time in my life where I'm discovering why I am the way I am. You know how hard it is for me to let anyone in. I'm asking you to come in. Will you hear my plea?</span></strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14410236-112119552030191642?l=julesnana.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07930898304606958568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14410236.post-1121144970604768132005-07-12T01:09:00.000-07:002005-07-11T22:09:30.610-07:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1243/1303/1600/opl_seaside39.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1243/1303/320/opl_seaside39.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />well here's something else to start and maybe actually keep up? I've been reading about all these disorders and my God! AM I FUCKED UP OR WHAT? Borderline Personality Disorder, Avoidance, Post Traumatic Stress. Hell no wonder I think I'm crazy half the damn time. But who can I say this to? My husband knows I'm "not right in the head" but is such a good person. He doesn't judge me but he'll never understand me. I'll never understand me. Okay so I've read all this material. Now the problem is; trying to fix me. I've tried therapy but cannot commit to it. Of course that's part of the problem. I don't want to tell anyone else about what I think of for fear of being judged, critisized, not liked etc. YADA YADA YADA...Besides no one wants to hear about how I feel. And if my husband can't fix a problem he totally doesn't know what to do. Bless his heart. It must be hell living with me. The man's a frigging saint to have put up with me for the past 23 years. He is truly a saint. And I love him to death...and he gets on my nerves because he IS such a good person. So moral, so ethical. I've always known that I don't deserve him. And if he ever found out some of the things I've done in the past I have no idea if he could handle it. And I can't ever lose him. I pray every night and ask God to please let us grow old together and to never take him away. I don't think I could go on without him and that scares the shit out of me! I wouldn't want to live in a world where he isn't there. So why do I do all the stupid shit that I know if caught will disappoint him? Who the fuck knows, cause I don't? Maybe I want to see just how far I can go? And when I do something "bad" I'm always scared shitless of his reaction when/if he finds out. What's that about? Probably a daddy issue. Mama can't be all to blame for how fucked up I am, right? I don't know if anyone out there is reading this. You've probably stopped by now. That's okay, it's not that important...until next time...maybe?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14410236-112114497060476813?l=julesnana.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07930898304606958568noreply@blogger.com1